If You Were Gay
by E.M Travers
Summary: Based off Cpcoulter's Dalton-Verse. A drunk, silly singing Logan and a pissed off Julian doesn't make for a peaceful evening for Stuart House. Hints of crack.  If You Were Gay-Avenue Q


Julian sighed as he thumbed through his massive script for the upcoming season of Something Damaged, flopped out on his bed. It was ten at night and for once, he wasn't spending his evening screaming at the brooding blonde down the hall.

The door swung open with a bang.

_Scratch that._

"Goddammit, Logan!" Julian shouted, jumping at the sudden noise.

"Hullo." Logan grinned, flopping down on the bed and much too close to the brunette.

"What the hell!" Julian muttered, attempting to push the six-footer off the bed but he wasn't budging.

"You're pretty when you blush." The blonde giggled (yes, giggled), resting his head on Julian's shoulder.

"Get the hell out of my room- Why are you drunk!" Julian groaned, sitting up and chucking his script to the floor.

"Cause I felt like drinking?" Logan said, cocking his head to the side.

"Ugh. Forget it. Just…leave." Julian muttered, pointing to the door with a stern tone.

"No." Logan murmured, rolling onto his back and putting his hands behind his head.

"Logan, I'm trying to study my lines." Julian said slowly, as if he were speaking to a child.

"Y'know. Something interesting happened to me today." Logan said, completely ignoring Julian's comments.

"Oh?" Julian muttered, pulling his script back up to the bed and flipping quickly to episode twelve.

"Yup. I was getting coffee at that little coffee shop we always go to…down the block-"

"Facinating."

"And there was this guy…he was hot." Logan said with a distant, dreamy grin.

"Alright. You need to go to bed. I'll be slamming doors in the morning, just a warning." Julian shook his head, pushing at Logan's shoulder.

"And this guy was like…flirting with me. He had a nice smile. And he was almost as cute as Kurt…but…he had blonde hair and these really pretty brown eyes…or were they gray?" Julian continued to try to shove Logan away as the blonde drunkenly murmured to himself.

"D'you think he knew I was gay?" Logan asked Julian with an excited grin, much like a seven year old girl at a sleepover.

"I don't know, Logan. I wasn't there, and frankly I don't care about some other gay guy set on getting in your pants." Julian deadpanned.

"You don't have to get all defensive…" Logan said with a bitch-face.

"Just. Shut up, Logan. Shut up. I'm not getting defensive. Stop talking." Julian muttered, clapping a hand over the blonde's mouth.

"… Can I sing?" Logan said, pale green eyes wide as he stood up.

"No!" Julian snapped. He knew that Logan was a singing drunk…seeing as he was a singing sober.

"If you were gay, that'd be okay." Logan sang, swaying in a drunken-warbler fashion, and Julian's script flew off the bed and onto the floor with a thud.

"I mean, cause…hey. I'd like you anyway."

Julian groaned standing up and straining to keep himself from tackling the idiot blonde down.

"Because you see…if it were me…I would feel free to say that I was gay…cause I am gay!" Logan said, laughing. The brunette moaned in complaint and annoyance as he flopped back down on the bed, trying to ignore the prefect.

"If you were queer-"

"LOGAN, NO MORE VERSES." Julian shouted, jumping back to his feet and grabbing Logan by the front of his wrinkled blazer.

"I'd still be here-" Logan sang as he pulled from Julian's grip, just about waltzing across the room.

"Year after year, because you're dear to me." Logan smiled, stumbling as he strolled just out of Julian's strangling grip.

"And I know that you would accept me too! If I told you today, 'Hey, guess what? I'm gay!' Cause I am gay!"

"Logan! Shut the hell up! Before you wake everyone! This sound doesn't even make any sense!" Julian muttered, charging up to the taller teen and pinning him to the wall.

"I'm happy just being with you, so what should it matter to me what you do in bed with guys!" Logan belted, using Julian's iPhone as a mic.

"LOGAN!" Julian snapped through his teeth, clamping a hand over Logan's mouth.

"If you were gay, I'd shout hooray! And here I'd stay, but I wouldn't get in your way." Logan sang, his voice muffled by Julian's hand.

"You can count on me, to always be…besides you every day." Julian pulled his door open, Derek's clear, loud laughter already heard from the room next door.

"To tell you it's okay, 'cause we're just born this way! And as they say, it's in our DNA, we're gay!"

Julian took Logan by the shoulders and shook the drunk as hard as humanly possible.

"I'M NOT GAY!"

"If you _were_ gay." Logan smirked.

And with an enraged yell, Julian kicked (literally) Logan out the door and the drunken blonde landed in a heap of black blazer in the hallway.

Neither John Logan Wright III nor Julian Larson-Armstrong ever spoke of the whole incident, or Logan's "song" ever again. Derek Seigerson, on the other hand, added it to his 'embarrass my friends' mental folder of information.


End file.
